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User blog:Wachowman/Wiki Tales: Borderlands ep3 (Not A Problem)
Last Time on Wiki Tales Wonder: Wachow! (Another shockwave comes from Wachow knocking the users back again) Wonder: gah! Steeler: what is this power?! Wachow: power that if you did the slightest bit of research on me, you'd know I'd have. (Screen shows 20 Skags surround the users) Wachow: please feel free to play with the homeless pups, they need a new owner...or at least lunch, farewell, may we never cross paths again. Wonder: Wha- Wachow: now the conversation ends. (One of the Skags is about to bite Joes neck until)'"' Man 1: Fire! ''(All the Remaining Skags are shot at the same time from a distance) Joe: *opens his eyes* w-what? (Screen shows a man with a 30 barrel shotgun) Patts: can you guys not do one thing correctly. Wonder: throw us a fucking bone. Patts: throw yourself a bone, you're the bounty hunters, not me. Joe: then don't judge us. Patts: *calls his car back and gets in it* ok, I can see you cant get this job done by yourselves, so by tomorrow you're getting a new member, one that's more knowledgable about Bounty Hunting. Legion: their Leader, Scraw, has basically brainwashed this whole town, especially it's military, if he's dead you should be able to get what we need inside his memory bank. Steeler: his what? Legion: a small USB he has in his giant ass computer. This Time (The Screen shows Steeler sleeping in his bed) Steeler:.... (The Screen shows Joe sleeping in his bed) Joe:...not a shit gun....not a shit gun. (Screen shows a close up on Wonders face) Wonder:... (Screen shows a Man crouched over Wonder) Man 1: *coughs* Wonder: *wakes up a little* w-wha- (Wonder sees the man crouching over him) Man 1: hi. Wonder: Who the fuck! (Wonder aims his gun at the Man) Man 1: you sleep with your gun? Wonder: times like this are the reason why, Joe! Steeler! Wake up! (Steeler wakes up) Steeler: gah, what fucking time is-who the fuck is this? Wonder: why do you think I woke you up. Man 1: ah, so you're Steeler, hi. Wonder: stop talking. Man 1: rude. Wonder: Joe. (Joe is still sleeping) Wonder: Joe! (Joe continues to sleep) Wonder: J- (Steeler kicks Joe off his bed) Joe: *wakes up* Steeler!...What the fuck! Steeler: Wonder wants you. Joe: *looks at Wonder and sees the man* What is it! Who the fuck is this! Why did you have to kick me! Man 1: wow, I can see my new team is friendly. Steeler: what? Wonder: new team?...oh shit, are you the guy Patts sent? Man 1: sure am. Steeler: why didn't you say that an hour ago. Man 1: you've only been awake for about 2 or 3 minutes. Joe: you woke me up for this? God dammit, what's your name? Tiger: the names Tommy Indestructible Garry Erection Rotation, my parents were drunk when they named me, just call me Tiger. TIGER! HEAR HIM ROAR Steeler: Tiger huh? Joe: we don't need help. Wonder: it's too late for that he's already here. Tiger: and I've been bounty hunting for 7 years. Steeler: you look 20. Tiger: I am 20. Joe: you started when you were 13? Tiger: parents didn't really care so why not, gets me money, gets me bitches, gets me something to do. Wonder: well Tiger, welcome to the team I guess. Tiger: thank you Wonder, so Patts didn't really mention who we were hunting before I signed the contract. Joe: pfft, really? Steeler: ahaha, man, you're gunna have to take a seat. Tiger: it can't be that bad. Wonder: Wachow. Tiger:....what. Wonder: we're hunting Wachow. Tiger:....the mass murderer who can be shot by normal guns?... Steeler: yep, that guy. Tiger:...wow, we're all fucked. Joe: was expecting more enthusiasm. Tiger: I mean, you can't kill Wachow, look at you guys, I could kill all 3 of you with one bullet. Wonder: we have a plan. Tiger: to die? I mean, I don't want to die, not yet at least. Joe: listen, you're part of this group now, we've shot at Wachow and lived, if you ask me we've done what no one else has already done. Steeler: and you have no other choice. Tiger:...fuck I don't...fine fine, how shall we die first? Joe: that's the spirit. Wonder: well first we need to go to Scribbleland and get their leaders USB. Tiger: kill Scraw? A little difficult don't ya think? Steeler: you weren't really here for it. Wonder: and we also have no other options, we need to learn about Wachows powers and weaknesses. Tiger: and Scribbleland has some of Pandoras most advanced technology, meaning that fucking USB of Scraws has to have loads of info on it. Wonder: precisely. Joe: and if we do live that's one small step closer to- Tiger: getting killed by Wachow. Steeler: you have a very low spirit. Tiger: you sound like my pet. Wonder: pet? Joe: please tell me you don't have Skags. Tiger: Skags? Oh no, I have him right here. (Tiger pulls out a pocket sized cube) Tiger: he's right here. Joe: a cube? Tiger: c'mon out ROB. (The small cube starts to un-cube itself) Joe: what? (The cube transforms into a 4 foot tall robot) ROB: *eyes light up* Hi! N-nice to me you all! I'm sure well-l have a great time together! ROB! HOPE HES YOUR BUDDY Wonder: how in the- Steeler: no fucking way, I've always wanted a fucking Robot. Tiger: well ROB here is hand made, by me, but even though I made him he acts like the complete opposite of me. ROB: well maybe if y-you'd lighten up your mood every now and then, how long did it take him to tell you guys who he-e was? Steeler: about 5 minutes. Tiger: I was having fun with your reactions. ROB: and you c-call me the opposite. Tiger: well to be fair I'm allowed to be a bit upset and sarcastic right now, it turns out the person we are set to hunt for is Wachow. ROB: W-What! Wachow!...that's great! Tiger: what? ROB: imagine the l-legends we'd be if we can take down Wachow, everyone would love us, we'd b-be rich! Joe: can't we just take ROB and leave you? Tiger: wherever one of us goes, the other goes, sorry. Joe: fuck then. Wonder: ok, good to see we all get semi-along and know each other, but we've wasted too much time here already. Tiger: he's right, if you want to get through Scraws men it's best to do it as early as possible. Joe: why, can they see in the dark? Tiger: no, it's just to get it done sooner then later. ROB: *turns his hands into pistols* then let's go shall we! I-I'm ready to fight! Steeler: god, I love this guy. Wonder: let's go. (The groups walks to the door) (Screen shows Wonder, Joe, Steeler, Tiger, ROB and Ynkr walking through the desert) ROB: of calculations are c-correct, Scribbleland shouldn't be very-y far. Ynkr: mighty fine piece o' technology ya got there. Tiger: took me at least 2 years to build him, even now he could still use improvements. ROB: w-what type of improvements. Tiger: for starters that fucking stutter you have. ROB: that's your f-fault, you never taught me to read and speak-k. Tiger: you're a Robot, you're suppose to do that by yourself. Steeler: don't be so hard on him, I mean, you see how quickly he took out those Skags back there. Tiger: well, I did originally make him for combat, so I guess that's something. ROB: I'm smiling right now but you j-just can't tell because my mouth isn't non-existent. Wonder: well I'm sure you'll help us with Scribblelands guards just fine. ROB: I will d-do my best! Joe: guys, I think I see it. (Screen shows a large city at the top of a sandy mountain) Ynkr: yep, that's it alright. *shakes head* do we really have to climb that? *shakes head* I believe so Ynkr. Tiger: hope you guys are ready for a fight...and we don't have to climb...ROB. ROB: yes sir! (ROB transforms into a flying sheet of metal) ROB: just stand on me and we'll be up there in a minute! Joe: wait, why didn't we do this from the beginning? Tiger: because it tires him out very quickly, but he should be fine for this mountain, right ROB? ROB: sure thing! Wonder: alright then, let's get on. (The group stands on ROB as he begins to fly towards Scribbleland) Wonder: remember guys, there's civilians here to. Tiger: no there isn't. Wonder: what? Tiger: Scribbleland is solely a military base made to look like a community, everyone in it has, can use, and will use their gun, they're as careless as Psychos. Joe: well shit. Steeler: so we have to shoot anyone we see. Tiger: besides each other, yes. Ynkr: this doesn't seem like the best of ideas. Wonder: if you want back in Legionston, it's all you got. Ynkr: *shakes head* let's do it Ynkr! *shakes head* alright fine! but only for you. Joe: they're gunna spot us once we're there. Tiger: we'll be fine...maybe. (ROB lowers the group in front of the Scribbleland gates and turns back to normal) (Screen shows 5 bandits pointing their guns at the group) Bandit 1: halt! Bandit 2: leave now or be executed! Tiger: *cleans throat* gentlemen gentlemen! I'm not here for trouble! I'm here to help you all become rich! Wonder: what're you doing? Tiger: just shut up. Bandit 3: rich? Bandit 1: what're you talking about? Tiger: ROB... ROB: *transforms his hands into a metal briefcase* money! We plan to donate 3 million d-dollars to every single person living here. Bandit 2: 3 million dollars?! Tiger: that's right, now, do you want to see the money? (The Bandits look at each other then approach the briefcase) ROB: one f-for each of you! (The briefcase opens showing ROBs real arm with a gun in it) Bandit 4: what the- Tiger: congratulations. (ROB shoots all the Bandits in the head) ROB: come again. Steeler: that was fucking awesome. Tiger: thank you, ROB, open the gate please. ROB: my pleasure. (A rocket launcher appears on ROBs back) ROB: heads up! (ROB shoots the rocket into the gates destroying them) (And alarm sound is heard) Joe: well, they know we're here how. Wonder: c'mon, Scraw should be in the biggest building. Ynkr: the one at the end of the city? Wonder: looks like it. ROB: *turns his hands into Miniguns* time t-to have some fun! (Screen shows a man in a big room sitting in a chair man of Psycho masks) (A Bandit approaches the man) Bandit 1: Lord Scraw, intruders have been spotted. Scraw: ok? Bandit 1: theyre starting to kill many of our men. Scraw: yeah? Bandit 1: they're coming for your office. Scraw: and? Bandit 1: I heard they called you gay. Scraw: *stands up* oh they gotta die. (Screen shows the group half way through Scribbleland) Wonder: *shoots a Bandit in the head* there's so many! Tiger: *shoots an explosive barrel killing a few Bandits* we're doing fine! Just keep shooting! (A small aircraft appears above the group) Steeler: what is that?! (The aircrafts opens up as Psychos starts to jump from it) Joe: oh shit. (A few Psychos land on the ground and attack Joe) Joe: *shoots the Psychos* this isn't good. Tiger: *almost gets shot then returns fire* we still have Bandits to deal with. (About 100 Psychos land on the ground and start to run towards Ynkr) Steeler: Ynkr! *shoots a few Psychos* Run! Ynkr: cute. (Ynkr pulls out his 30-barrel shot gun) Ynkr: *shakes head* Fire! (Ynkr pulls the guns trigger 3 times) (Screen shows every Psychos getting shot in the head) Tiger: holy shit. Ynkr: *shakes head* good job Ynkr. Steeler: not gunna lie, that was impressive. Joe: *shoots some Bandits* guys! There's still more bandits! Wonder: let's try to get in further. Ynkr: let's go boys! (Screen shows Scraw in his office watching a tv of the gunfight) Scraw: *sees all the Psychos die* grr. Bandit 1: sir, Psycho Squad Z is dead. Scraw: then send out the next Psycho Squad! Bandit 1: sir, Psycho Squad A-Y were killed for your chair. Scraw: *looks at his chair*...fuck!...Burton! Tell Everyman in this building to go outside and kill these men! Burton: yes sir! (Burton runs out of the office and Scraw continues to watch the gunfight) Scraw:... (Screen shows a group of Bandits getting blown up) Tiger: good job ROB. ROB: *puts his rocket launcher away* my p-pleasure. Wonder: alright guys, we're here. (Screen shows the group in front of the building) Ynkr: let's get inside. (Before they can open the door every Bandit from inside starts to run out) Wonder: shit! Joe: get some cov- (3 gunshots are heard as every Bandit who was running out is now dead) (Screen shows Ynkr with his shot gun) Ynkr: *shakes head* all you ever gotta do is ask. *shakes head* now let's get inside. Steeler: how much ammo do you have. Ynkr: more than I can count. Joe: you could only count to fift- nevermind, let's go! (The group goes into the building) (Screen shows Scraw and Burton watch all the Bandits die) Burton: they're all dead. Scraw: god dammit, if I wanted to kill these guys I would've preferred having some men left alive, Burton: sir, we should evacuate. Scraw: evacuate? I'm not gunna be killed by these chumps, but for now go to the printing room and make some help wanted posters, we'll need more men after this. Burton: uh...y-yes sir. (Burton opens the doors to leave and is about to walk about but is then shot in the head) Scraw: hmm? (The group walks into the room pointing their guns at Scraw) Wonder: Scraw! Joe: we won't kill you if you give us the USB! Scraw: oh, you mean this. (Scraw shows the USB in his hand) Scraw: sorta guessed you were coming for it. (Scraw puts the USB in his pocket) Scraw: but you, all of you, you come into my town, kill my men, and expect me to do what you want! Steeler: uhh. Scraw: if that's the case, I'll give you this USB- (Scraw pulls out a Minigun that was attacked to his back) Scraw: once you rip it from my cold dead hands! SCRAW! YOUR FIRST BOSS Joe: shit. Tiger: find cover! (Scraw starts to shoot his Minigun as the users take cover) (Screen shows Joe and Ynkr behind a few metal boxes) Joe: shit, what do we do. Ynkr: my shotgun only works on big groups. *shakes head* and we can't get a good shot on his with a regular gun either. Joe: *peaks up but is almost shot in the head* gah! Fuck! Ynkr: *shakes head* we needa find a weak point. Joe: how? Ynkr: well, he's using a Minigun, sadly his Minigun has infinite ammo. *shakes head* it makes it's own bullets inside the gun. *shakes head* but every Minigun over heats for a few seconds! that's when we get him. Joe: how long until it over heats. Ynkr: guess we have to wait and see. (Screen shows Steeler, Wonder, Tiger and ROB behind some other metal boxes) (ROB is seen winding up a metal mouse) Wonder: you sure this things gunna work? ROB: m-my Explosive Mice never fail, it should go r-right up to him and at least stun him for a while. Steeler: it won't kill him? Tiger: due to their size, probably not. ROB: *finishes winding and let's the mouse go* and she's off. (The explosive mouse goes around the boxes and towards Scraw) Scraw: come on out guys! (The mouse is a few inches away from Scraw) Scraw: cute. (Scraw steps on the mouse which explodes on impact) Scraw: ahg! (Scraw is knocked back a little but continues to shoot his Minigun) Scraw: not happening. Wonder: fuck. Steeler: what now? Tiger: I suppose we can wait for his Minigun to overheat. Steeler: how longs that gunna take? (The shooting stops) Scraw: huh? No, not now! Tiger: now! (Screen shows Joe and Ynkr) Ynkr: now! (All the users appear from behind the boxes and start to shoot at Scraw) Scraw: ahhh! (A bunch of bullets start to go through Scraw) Joe: how is he still standing?! Scraw: *lifts up his Minigun* I'm not done yet! Tiger: ROB! ROB: I'm on it! (ROB shoots a rocket from his rocket launcher at Scraw) Scraw: *sees the rocket coming* shit. (The rocket explodes on impact leaving a bunch of smoke in the room) Ynkr: *cough cough* is it over? Wonder: *cough* looks like it. Tiger: ROB. ROB: already ahead of y-you. (ROB opens up his stomach which starts to suck in all the smoke) Steeler: what can't you do. (The smoke starts to clear up) Wonder:...no fucking way. (Screen shows Scraw still standing but badly beaten up) Joe: he's isn't dead?! Scraw: you...mother...fuckers. (Scraw falls over and let's go of his Minigun) Wonder:...it's over. Tiger: finally. (Joe walks over to Scraw and takes the USB out of his pocket) Joe: guys, I just noticed, we shot a rocket at Scraw when we knew he had to USB in his pocket. Ynkr: *shakes head* at least we're all still alive. Joe:...ok?...anyways, next time let's think a bit more carefully on how we take people down. Wonder: he's right, if we lost that USB this whole trip would've been worthless. Tiger: let's just get out of here, it reeks of blood. Wonder: alright men, let's go. (Screen shows the group walking through the desert approaching Legionston) Wonder: fucking finally, there's Legionston. Steeler: ready to go back home Ynkr? Ynkr: actually. *shakes head* we decided to stay back where you found us. *shakes head* * I always did like the thrill of having to kill something everyday! this made me realize that if I'm in Legionston it'd always be peaceful. Joe: how did that gunfight remind you of something peaceful? Wonder: are you sure? They said they'd let you back. Ynkr: *shakes head* positive. *shakes head* we'll be fine. (Ynkr shakes hands with Wonder) Wonder: thanks for all your help. Ynkr: I'm sure we'll all meet again. (Ynkr starts to walk back as the group walks closer to Legionston) ROB: a-alright, Tiger, I'm going back into your pocket. Tiger: alright, c'mon. (ROB turns back into a cube and falls into Tigers hand who puts him in his pocket) Steeler: still an awesome Robot. Tiger: eh, he's okay. (The group approaches the gates being met by Legion) Legion: you have returned! Joe: that's not all. (Joe throws the USB to Legion who catches it) Legion: you got the USB! Wonder: and Scribbleland is no more, every single man in there is dead. Legion: wonderful! Wonderful! I shall get some men on this right away, you shall know what you need to know about Wachow by tomorrow morning, right now I believe it's best you rest up. Wonder: also, can you gets us a forth bed? Tiger: I'm with them now. Legion: of course, no problem at all, it'll be there by the time you get to the room, Open the gates! (The gates open as the group walks into Legionston) Tiger: I guess I was sorta wrong about you guys. Steeler: what do you mean? Tiger: well, I had no faith in the beginning of this, now id think we actually have a chance to take down Wachow. (The screen goes black as Tigers voice is still heard) Tiger: here's to a new friendship. Next Time on Wiki Tales Legion: it seems the first step of your journey is to find Crozon Devices. Man 1: and, well, we don't have Crozon Devices. Joe: what? Then who does? Legion: the only place I can think of that does is Iron Wrath. (The group is seen walking through the desert) Joe: I don't see Iron Wrath anywhere. Wonder: that map says it's supposed to be right here. (The ground from beneath the users opens up) Wonder: are you CW? CW: indeed I am, Legion told me you were coming and what you need, well, I have a favor to ask before any of your problems are settled. Category:Blog posts